Warning: Real Talk.

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. It figures that I decided to ramp up my fashion blogging again and then stop. Seems like that’s par for the course with me and blogs, haha.

There’s a pretty serious reason for it, though. We found out just a few days after my last post that Doug is going to be losing his job. The business that he works at is closing its doors. There are a TON of other factors about the business closing that I don’t want to go into detail about in public, but let’s just say that it took us both by surprise.

Doug losing his job is not a new thing for us. We’ve been here before more than once. This time it’s WAY different because of my health issues. The last time, I didn’t know I was diabetic or that I had Hashimoto’s. Now I take prescriptions and insulin multiple times a day. The pills alone aren’t as much of a concern – most of the stuff that I take are generics – it’s the insulin prices that terrify me. I know that cash price for my fast-acting insulin (Novolog) is around $400 a month. I simply cannot afford that.

We’ve always been able to get by when Doug is out of work, with some financial help such as unemployment, and occasionally family aid. Usually what would happen was that I would put off all my doctor’s appointments until we get insurance again. But this time, it’s a LOT different. Currently, his business has offered to cover insurance until December 1st, but after that…well, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I am trying my best to be proactive, like looking up financial assistance programs for the prescriptions, but…well…I’m scared.

Due to this, I’ve been really struggling with my anxiety issues lately. I’ve had two – TWO – anxiety/panic attacks in the past few weeks. One was because I found out that I needed to pay a $975 medical bill, and one just yesterday when I found that the mice that have come to call our house home chewed up Gizmo’s food container while trying to get in. (They didn’t, but I woke up to little hard plastic bits all over the kitchen floor.)

A lot of people are probably rolling their eyes right now and saying that “there are people out there that have it much worse than you”. Yes, there are. I do not deny that my struggles are not nearly as bad as others. In fact, one of the things that always bothers me is that I constantly feel like I need to suck it up because I don’t have it THAT bad. And then, on top of the anxiety, I feel guilty for feeling that way.

Since this is nothing new for us, the first thing we do is cut down on frivolous spending. I’ve eliminated most of my monthly subscriptions (except for the razors because $6/a month is a hell of a lot cheaper than what I get in stores), and – of course – I haven’t bought any new dresses since we found out. It’s a little difficult justifying spending money on a new dress when I’m so concerned about my health. I’m trying to sell a couple of dresses that I don’t wear on a regular basis (no luck yet, but I’m hoping it happens soon). Also, since all this came down the pipe, I freely admit that my appearance has kind of taken a backseat to everything else. I’ve gained some weight, and I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, and I feel like everything I put on looks “bleh”. ~sigh~ So much for body positivity.

So. Yeah. I’m just hoping that y’all understand that I really do love writing about fashion and retro/vintage pretties, but at this moment it’s kind of the last thing on my mind. I’m also hoping that speaking out about my concerns and my anxiety will help prevent me from having any more panic attacks. If you are dealing with anxiety too, please feel free to send me a message. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

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  1. I am so sorry to hear about Doug losing his job and about the hardship that brings you not having insurance. I hope you will be able to find a program to help you out! Don’t feel bad that you feel bad about this! It will only cause undue stress and anxiety feeling bad about yourself. You are not wrong to be upset. I hope everything will work out soon! Hugs!

  2. Anxiety is a beast. It’s like termites in your well-being. Ben has been looking for a job for well over a year, so I feel you on that. The place I work for has had struggles too, and they are ongoing. Stress and burn-out can really eat away at you. I personally find keeping active with CrossFit a big stress buster. I can go there and cut up and laugh with friends as well as get healthful movement. Some days, it’s literally the only hour I’m not worrying. Sometimes it’s the only good thing that happens to me all day. Healthful distractions are really important when the going gets rough, whatever they are. Walking the dog, talking with friends and laughing, watching a favorite tv show with some good coffee. I really hope Doug finds something good right away. He’s got in-demand skills.

  3. You aren’t alone in having bad anxiety about money, insurance, health, and life in general. Last week I was so anxious I was clenching my jaw enough to cause tension headaches for most of the week. You’re right that all the stress and anxiety is exhausting. Try to hang in there. Try to meditate (I use Calm.com), which does help some. Try to stop a few times a day to look at positive, reassuring messages (plenty of good Tumblr blogs for this) and remember that you’re not alone. ::::hugs::::

  4. Count your blessings and focus on the positive-if you keep focusing on the negative, panic will continue to ensue. An attitude of gratitude goes a long way to getting you over the hump. I love you!